This one is for all my extroverted friends out there! If you’re a fellow introvert, you will probably be nodding your head “yes” at all of these, but if you’re not? Well, these are all the things I’ve wanted you to know about me and “my kind.” As introverts, we are very often misunderstood. People think we’re rude, shy, and antisocial. I know I come across that way, but it’s not true at all. Here’s the truth and the five biggest things I want you to know about me, us, and my life as an introvert.
1. I AM Listening, Even if I’m Not Talking (I’m Probably Not Talking)
You might think I’m not paying attention to what you’re saying, but I’m probably paying better attention than anyone else is. If I’m in a group of people, I will likely only contribute to the conversation if I’m comfortable with ALL of those people, or if it’s something that I really feel needs to be said. Otherwise, I’m just listening, observing, and taking it all in.
An old boss once said to me that she liked having me in meetings because she knew that any time I did speak up (though it was rare), it was only when I had something important to say. In other words, I’m not going to uselessly babble. I am listening though, pinky promise!
“You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.” – Stephen Chbosky
2. It’s Not You, It’s Me (on Saying “No”)
Look, I hate having to say “no” and decline invitations, but sometimes I just really, really have to. If we had plans and I broke them, or if you invited me somewhere but I never gave you a direct answer, it’s NOTHING against you. It’s not you at all. It’s ALL me. I get very easily overwhelmed. I really need peace, quiet, and alone time. I don’t function well when I’m overly busy, and sometimes I just need to be home.
Working all day with the public can really drain my energy, and the only way for me to re-gain that energy is by being alone. None of this means I don’t like you, or I don’t value our friendship, because I most definitely do. I just struggle to make myself go places sometimes, especially if it’s been a long day or a long week.
Even if I don’t see you that often, it is very meaningful for me to enforce our friendship in other ways, like by chatting via text. Yes, I am serious, and this is how I let people know I am thinking of them even when I’m not seeing them! I love you, so please don’t take offense if I simply say “no” sometimes.
“Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was.” – Cheryl Strayed
3. I Still Want to Be Included and Be Your Friend
Even if I’ve said “no” for the 15th time, I still want to be included. I understand it may be frustrating to keep issuing invitations only to be told “no,” but eventually I will probably say “yes.” I still want the opportunity to decide for myself whether I can go or not.
I tend to be a little self-conscious, so I hate feeling left out… it’s just really hard for me to muster up the energy and courage sometimes to put myself out there and socialize. I only have so much energy in a day, and I have to choose wisely on where and how I deplete it.
If you’re my friend, it’s because I really, really like you, and I want to be close to you! There are a handful of friends I really value, and I’m all set on needing any more. Please know that it was probably hard for me to befriend you at all, and if you’re in my circle, it’s because I adore you.
“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.” – Susan Cain
4. I Didn’t Mean to Say That (on Being Awkward)
So I finally said “yes” and decided to be social. I’m at your house, or we’re at a restaurant, or HECK, maybe you’re my coworker and we’re just chatting in the break room, and then lo and behold, I say something weird.
I drop a joke that you don’t find funny, or I’m talking too fast, or I said something stupid that just makes no effing sense. Hey, sorry, I know that was awkward and I’ll probably go home and cringe about it all freaking night.
Listen, I have anxiety and I do SO bad in social situations. Small talk and conversation do not come naturally to me (but writing does!). Please forgive my stilted and awkward conversation… it’s just a challenge for me.
“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” – Stephen Hawking
5. I Am (Probably) Overwhelmed Right Now
As an introvert, I get way too overstimulated way too easily. I was just telling Jerry last weekend that I try my hardest to be patient with my kids, but that sometimes, I lose my temper because they are just so dang chaotic. So loud, so noisy, so energetic! I feel like the Grinch and all the “noise, noise, noise!”
I also told him that when I retreat to our room for naps on the weekends, it’s not even usually about sleep. I just need to go lie down in a dark, quiet room for awhile to try and re-charge.
I need to take a step away from all the noise and chaos that being around others induces (especially the kids). When I’m in a noisy, overstimulating environment, I can literally feel the tension building and growing inside of me until I either snap or simply have to walk away.
If I’m at a party or a large gathering of ANY kind, I am likely overwhelmed. If I leave early? This is why. If I opt not to go at all? This is why. It becomes physically and mentally uncomfortable for me to be in social situations, unexpected situations, or chaotic and noisy situations. It drains me completely.
“Introverts, the world needs you and it needs the things you carry. So I wish you the best of all possible journeys and the courage to speak softly.” – Susan Cain
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