You ever feel like some people just don’t get you?
It’s hard sometimes being an introvert. People think we are unfriendly, rude, self-centered b*tches. People think that, because I often walk by without saying hi, let alone making eye-contact, that I am a gigantic jerk. This is SO not the case. The fact is, I am not rude or unfriendly; I’m an introvert.
I have been shy and anxious all of my life. Though not all introverts are shy, a great deal of them are. I am your classic introvert. I prefer quiet nights in reading to nights out partying. Put me in most any situation, and I would almost always rather be reading. I love my alone time… need and CRAVE my alone time. Sure, I get lonely, but when I’m having a particularly social week, I feel completely overstimulated and overwhelmed by it all. When I finally get some time at home alone, I feel like I am able to recharge and rejuvenate. I look forward to and get giddy about nights or days with no plans at all. They are my favorite kind of day.
I have always, always been this way and there is no changing me. When I got my first job at 16 in customer service, I was forced out of my shell quite a bit. It really did help me grow and break out of myself a bit, but not completely. Regardless, I will always be grateful for this slight improvement brought on by my working life.
So, what does being an introvert mean to me? It means a lot of things. It means I love being alone a lot (but not always!). It means I usually dislike large crowds and parties as they make me very uncomfortable, as does any new situation. It means that small talk – or any talk, really – doesn’t always come easy to me, (but I promise I’ll try my best!). It means I can write my feelings much better than I can say them out loud. I stumble and fumble on my spoken words sometimes, but never my written words. It means I won’t always make the first move when it comes to communicating, but I appreciate it when you do (and please don’t be offended if I don’t say hi first – it’s simply my introverted nature)! It also means I hate attention, have close bonds with a few special people, have a hard time opening up but am fiercely loyal when I finally do, struggle with assertiveness but am working on it, and observe the world and people around me very acutely. I listen instead of talk, write and read instead of go out, and have often observed instead of participated but am trying really hard to participate. I think and philosophize a lot and ask questions about the world. You should see the inside of my head… it’s always going and filled with things I’d like to learn so I am constantly researching and looking things up. I love pondering about outer space and the universe, and think about weird things like dinosaurs. Yes, the inside of my head can be an unusual place.
Social situations can be tough for me, particularly with new people. Put me with my close family and old friends and I am usually fine. In fact, I probably won’t shut up! I’ll do funny voices, tell billions of jokes, be totally at ease! But put me with casual acquaintances, new friends, or strangers, and you can count on me acting like a weirdo. Please don’t judge. I just feel anxious and like I don’t know what to say. Because of this, I have had a bit of an anti-social streak, but am trying really hard to put myself out there more and be more social. I started a book club late last year so that I could meet new people and it’s gone amazingly well. Friends of mine brought their own friends so I’ve met a few other ladies who I now consider friends and have socialized with outside of book club on occasion. I’ve also made more of an effort to see my old, close friends on a more regular basis. It’s been really fun.
So yes, I may seem weird and quiet, but there is so much more to me than most people will ever know. Those who know me well know that I dance at random, sing loudly, am an expert at voice impersonation, and can make people laugh like crazy. With introverts, there is SO MUCH of us that people just never know. They misunderstand us and take us for rude people, or else they just think we have no personality at all. This is so far from the truth. I am so grateful for all the people in my life who know all of me and will continually strive to improve my introverted life.
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