I GOT A BOY

I feel like we’ve come far enough now for me to be able to admit that once upon a time, I wanted a girl.

After finding out we were having a boy, I felt like people would judge me, would think I was a terrible mom, would think I didn’t love my son if I admitted out loud that a boy wasn’t in my original plans, that when I thought about being a mom, I thought about a daughter.

Yes, once long ago before Caleb was even big enough to detect his gender, I dreamed of having a girl, but that’s not what I got.

I got a boy.

Having a son means one day, we probably won’t watch Gilmore Girls together like I did with my mom. Instead, we might watch zombie shows and horror movies and laugh. I like those too, ya know.

Having a son means we won’t spend hours together planning a wedding, picking out a dress, poring over hairstyles. Instead, we will share a wedding dance together and I will probably cry over my baby boy becoming a man.

Having a son means I probably won’t get to share my favorite books like my mom did with me and Nancy Drew. No, we probably won’t read The Baby-Sitters Club or Ramona. Instead, we will discover new books together. Maybe they’ll be about dump trucks and monsters, but maybe they won’t. Maybe we will discover new favorites and read late into the night.

Having a son means we probably won’t go on shopping dates at the mall followed by a chick flick at the movies. Instead, we might go to the park and run around outside, maybe watch an action movie or two. Maybe I’ll find some new kinds of movies to like. Maybe he’ll teach me things I didn’t know.

See, I don’t really know what having a son might be like when he’s older and he asks things I don’t know the answers to and wants to play games I’ve never played. Maybe he’ll surprise me by enjoying my favorite books… but then again, maybe he won’t. We will explore together, and learn together, and grow together. We will discover new favorites… they don’t have to be mine.

Yes, I got a boy and now I couldn’t imagine a life without him. 

I know we have certain ideas in our mind about what having a daughter might be like and what having a son might be like, but the truth is… we just never know. I might have gotten a girl and she could have been nothing like I pictured. Maybe she would have liked sports instead of books and I would have been equally baffled then. Caleb is certainly more gentle than most people perceive boys to be. See? You just never know.

Yes, I got a boy, and he is everything I could have ever hoped he would be when I dreamed of becoming a mom.

Actually, he’s more.