For over a decade, I’ve loved Facebook. It’s been a great social tool for me, especially as an introvert who struggles with in-person conversation and friendship building. It’s allowed me to connect with and keep in touch with people on a low pressure platform, and it’s allowed me to make and create friendships too. I’ve loved staying in touch with people, keeping up with their lives, and sharing my own life with my friends and family. I’ve enjoyed joining groups of people with similar interests and bonding over things like wax, pregnancy, and Halloween villages. Basically, I could sing its praises for hours.
And because I loved Facebook so much, it started to slowly creep its way into addiction territory instead of just a fun connection with friends. At times, I even viewed it as a lifeline. When I’ve been too anxious to get out and be social, I could be social on Facebook. When Jerry was working all night, I had virtual company in one of my many hobby groups or an old high school friend. It was always there, and I could always scroll… and scroll… and scroll, until it started taking up hours of my day. It wasn’t hours at any one time, but little bits that added up throughout the day. Wake up, scroll. Eat breakfast, scroll. Take a break at work, scroll. Go to bed, scroll for AN HOUR before shut eye. And sometimes, the endless scrolling would pay off — a friend would announce a pregnancy, a cute picture of my nephew would pop up — but mostly, it was pointless. Random articles or videos I cared nothing about. Posts from one of my MANY groups or pages that was completely irrelevant. Drama that sucked me in from one of my more “drama filled” groups. Random posts of people’s dinners or political rants. It wasn’t worth the hours a day I was wasting. It wasn’t worth all the productivity I was losing, and especially not worth the time I spent half invested in my phone while only HALF invested in my family, as I’d glance up, nod, add a word here or there, all while continuing to scroll.
I was sick of comparing my life to everyone else’s seemingly more glamorous, fun, and exciting lives.
I was sick of wasting my life away staring at my Facebook feed that was filled with mostly nonsense.
I was sick of ignoring people in the present in favor of people on my phone.
I knew I had to cut the cord if I wanted to cut the addiction and improve my quality of life… so that’s what I did.
I deactivated my Facebook page and have mostly left it behind. While I’ve had to re-activate it a time or two for business purposes, I’ve been mostly “Facebook clean.” Because I run my work’s social media accounts and run several of my own pages (for my blog and Diplicious), I knew I couldn’t go completely without Facebook, so I found an alternative. I created an alternate account with zero friends, pictures, information, or postings. It’s a blank page and I use it solely for business purposes and not social purposes at all.
So far, I’ve kept Instagram because it’s quick and fun, and doesn’t take up NEARLY as much time. The scrolling isn’t endless because eventually you catch up, whereas with Facebook… it seems you can keep going and going and new stuff will just keep appearing. I’ve also kept my blog. Duh. And while I get the occasional itch to hop back on Facebook, and often find myself staring at my phone now wondering what to do, I’ve fought the urge and it’s getting easier and easier. I’m putting the phone down more. I’m picking up books instead, and learning to cook, and learning to just be… just be with Caleb and family and friends instead of just my damn phone all the time.
It’s a nice feeling.
It’s nice to not compare life when seeing other people’s, for starters. As many people before me have said, and will continue to say, social media is all about the highlight reel. “Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake.” I was sick of seeing everyone’s “perfect” life while I’ve faced struggles and stress. I was sick of feeling like everyone had a nicer house, more fun, more friends. I was sick of it. A little honesty and vulnerability never hurt anyone, right?
More importantly though, the distraction and time suck are gone. I’m no longer staring at my phone mindlessly for hours at a time. I’m more present in life. I’m spending more time with my family, living in the moment. I’m being more productive. I go to bed earlier. I read more. I’m catching up on shows. Jerry no longer sighs when he thinks my phone is more important than my marriage. Also? I’m wasting a lot less money too, since most of my wax and Halloween village purchasing was done through Facebook. Oops.
In a single word, it’s freeing. I thought I couldn’t live without it. I thought I’d feel like I was missing out, but I don’t miss anything. If there are important things going on with my friends and family now, I find out in other ways. I don’t need to see a Facebook status to know what’s happening in the world around me anymore.
It’s so easy to get sucked into these online worlds that blur fantasy and reality. I grew sick and tired of the highlight reels of everyone’s life, making things seem more perfect for them than things were for me. I grew sick and tired of the political fighting, the angry updates, the same damn things again and again. I wanted to stop living online and simply start living. I wanted to stop comparing my life to others. I wanted my time back, my life. It sounds so dramatic, but Facebook consumed me sometimes. Any time I was bored, I was reaching for my phone instead of a book, like I used to. Some days, I’m pretty sure my phone was permanently affixed to my palm. I still have that urge like I need to have it in my hand at all times, so I’ll scroll through my Instagram, check my email, then realize there’s nothing else to do and I’ll put it down. I like that. I hope that with time, the urge to pick it up continues to decline.
My plan going forward is to NOT re-activate until the baby is born in September. I set that as my timeline for now because I figured people would like to know he was here and would want some updates and photos of him. After that, I can’t say for sure what I’ll do. I may de-activate again. I may stay on if I feel my habit is under control. If I stay on, I’ll be deleting certain people that I’m not REALLY friends with, leaving groups that are time-sucks and unimportant, and un-following pages so that my feed will be less overwhelming. I will also keep the app off my phone and only go on when I’m on the computer. But who knows? I may take an even longer hiatus and de-activate it again because it has honestly improved my life THAT much. I don’t worry about other people anymore and what they’re doing. I worry about my own business and my own family. I am focused on my own life instead of other people’s. I stay in touch with the important people via other means right now and therefore don’t feel like I’m missing out. Most importantly, I’ve gained so much of my life back. More time with loved ones. More time reading. More time doing stuff other than scrolling.
The little red notifications no longer beckon me from my phone: “URGENT! Open me NOW,” only to discover it was never anything important. What’s important to me — the things, the PEOPLE — have always been right here in front of me… I just couldn’t always see them behind the phone that was blocking my view.
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