For the first 6 months of Holden’s life, Caleb was simply indifferent.
“How does he like the baby?!” people would ask, and I’d respond with a “meh.” He didn’t LOVE him but he didn’t dislike him either. He was just kind of there, in Caleb’s mind.
When Caleb first came to meet Holden at the hospital, he was excited. He looked at him and smiled, and held him and laughed. I was so overfilled with joy and happiness seeing the two of them together! I have pictures of Caleb looking down at him proudly, smiling with the baby on his lap. What a great start to brotherhood, I thought.
Then we got home and Caleb’s excitement dissipated. He had almost no interest in holding him, looking at him, or talking to him. He complained if he was crying too loudly and always asked for stuff JUST as I sat down to feed the baby. He rarely exhibited any jealousy, just some slight annoyance here and there, but practically no interest. He didn’t want to hold him, and still won’t unless I practically beg him to help me out while I go make a bottle.
“Do you like Holden?” I’d ask. “Isn’t he cute?”
“No,” he’d reply simply, and walk away.
One day in the kitchen he said “this isn’t Holden’s house.” Another time while the baby was asleep? “I don’t like Holden. I want a new Holden.”
But recently, something’s changed. Just in the last week or two, Caleb has taken a sudden liking to his brother.
It started one day in the car a couple of weeks ago. Holden was babbling like a madman and Caleb laughed in delight. “He’s talking, Mommy!” he exclaimed with a giggle. He absolutely LOVED that Holden was talking and got such a kick out of it. Then suddenly, just like that, Holden became “his” baby. “Is my baby asleep?” he’ll ask. “There’s my baby!” he’ll say.
Sometimes in the morning, when Caleb is the first one up, I’ll hear him clunk out of his bedroom and quietly pad into Holden’s room next door. He looks in on him to see if he’s up yet, then he bursts into my room to report the news to Jerry and me. I sometimes hear him talking to Holden in there before he leaves. I love that he checks in on him in the quiet of the morning when he thinks he’s the only one awake (but I hear it all!).
Caleb also made the recent discovery that he can make Holden laugh, usually by making some kind of noise like “beep!” if he does it at just the right time and catches Holden in just the right mood. That was another turning point in their relationship. Caleb loves to be funny and delights in the fact that Holden finds him to be pretty hilarious. When I catch them laughing together, I’m convinced it’s just about the best thing in the world.
These days, Caleb will randomly smile at the baby, turn to me, and say while laughing, “Mommy, he’s so cute!” And while I still have to bribe him to get him to hold the baby (“will you hold the baby real quick?” “NO!” “I’ll get you a cookie if you do.” “UGH, okay.”), I can see their relationship blooming and growing in the sweetest of ways. Holden’s personality is starting to emerge and he’s suddenly become a lot less boring to his older brother.
And this is what it’s all about. My boys becoming brothers. Becoming friends. Becoming each other’s comedians. Becoming future confidants and partners in crime. It’s what I've always wanted for my boys, from the moment we found out that Caleb would have a brother. I hope they are best friends someday. I hope they realize the gift they are to one another. I hope they always support each other, are always there to be what the other one needs.
I have so many hopes for my boys, so many dreams, and seeing them laugh together makes me realize that at least one of those hopes is already coming true.
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