Finding gratitude when the budget is tight and the bills are loud
I’m going to get a little taboo here and talk about money — because it’s weighing heavy on my mind right now. It’s the holiday season, and our little man is due to arrive in just two months. There’s a lot of joy, yes — but also a lot of stress, and for me, that always circles back to money.
Jerry and I live on a fairly strict budget out of necessity, and I like to think I’m pretty responsible with our finances. Every time we get paid — four times a month between the two of us — the very first thing I do is set aside a quarter of our mortgage into its own savings account. This lets us break up that huge monthly payment instead of scrambling to come up with it all at once. Then, I pay any bills due that week, put a little something into savings when I can (anywhere from $10 to $50, though not every week), and figure out what’s left. Most of the time, it’s not much. That money usually goes toward groceries, and if we’re lucky, a little something extra like a frozen yogurt date or a small splurge we’ve had our eye on.
And then we wait for the next Thursday to roll around, and I do it all over again.
My point in sharing this isn’t to complain. I’ll admit, there are moments of envy — when I see others with huge, beautiful homes, or shopping without budgeting, grocery carts full to the brim without hesitation. Sometimes I catch myself slipping into comparison and I hate that feeling. Jerry and I have to scrimp and save. We’re constantly saying, “maybe on our next check.” And yes — that’s frustrating.
But on the hard days, I remind him — and myself — that while we may not have everything we want, we absolutely have everything we need.
Yes, we have a mortgage, and yes, our house needs work — but it’s ours. That matters. When I’m not playing the comparison game, I remember how proud we were to buy this home. I married the man of my dreams, and we made this happen. That means something. So I’m thankful.
Yes, I have student loans. They’re overwhelming and stressful, and sometimes it feels like they’ll haunt me forever. I’m on the income-based repayment plan — 25 years of payments. One year down. But I remind myself often: those bills represent something. I have a bachelor’s degree. I have a master’s. That education changed my life. And when I start to doubt whether it was worth it, I think about what a coworker once told me:
“You have a degree — and that’s the one thing no one can ever take away from you.”
So I’m thankful.
Yes, we have car loans, and no, we don’t drive anything fancy. Jerry’s 2001 Dodge Stratus will be paid off in July — hallelujah! We don’t fill our tanks to the top most weeks, but we get where we need to go. I know there are so many people in my own city who don’t have cars at all. Some have to rely on buses or walking. We’re lucky to have the freedom and flexibility that cars bring. And after years of driving old, unreliable vehicles, I finally got my dream car: a Jeep. It’s not new, but I love it. And more importantly, Caleb will be safe riding around in it. So I’m thankful.
We don’t have many luxuries — but we have internet, $10 gym memberships, and recently even upgraded to cable. After buying our house, we cut out a lot of extras. We rarely eat out, and we don’t shop for fun anymore — just groceries and needs. I miss buying books, but let’s be honest: I have enough to last two lifetimes. We’re doing just fine. So I’m thankful.
Even when it feels like we’re “so broke,” and I want to cry because we can’t buy what we want when we want it… we are lucky. I’m learning to be thankful, too. We pay all our bills in full and on time — and while that might not seem like much, it is. A lot of people can’t say the same. And most weeks? We even have a little left over. Not much. But enough.
At the end of the day, we truly do have all that we need — most importantly, each other and our growing family. As long as we have that, I can never truly be ungrateful.
I think of that Zac Brown Band song I love so much:
“No, we don’t have a lot of money. All we need is love.”
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