THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW

There were so many things I didn’t know before Caleb was born. I thought I knew so much, that I was as prepared as could be, but now I know I knew almost nothing at all.

I knew it would be difficult and time consuming, but I had no idea just how hard it would be.

I didn’t know my morning routine would go from one hour to four and that an 11:00 shower would now be considered early instead of late.

I didn’t know that my son’s cries would break my heart so much and stress me out to the point that I would cry too.

I didn’t know what “tired” and “exhaustion” truly meant (though I thought I did) until three hours of sleep a night became my norm.

I didn’t know how nervous I would be, how worried all the silly little things would make me (I called the doctor because I thought he was eating too much).

I didn’t know about mommy guilt and how much I would question and doubt all of my decisions.

I didn’t know that motherhood wasn’t always natural. I didn’t know that I’d have to learn as we went along.

I didn’t know just how much my whole world would shift and change, that I’d have basically no time or energy to do much of anything besides care for him.

I didn’t know how much my parents truly loved me until I became a parent myself.

And despite all of these scary and terrifying things that I didn’t know, I did know that I loved him before he was born, that I would look at him in awe and wonderment, that he would amaze me every day (even on the days that I cry).

I knew before he was born that things would be hard but that I would love him anyway, that even when I was incredibly tired and frustrated, I would still wonder how in the world Jerry and I created such a perfectly adorable tiny person.

Every single day it seems, I discover something else I didn’t know, but every single day, I also love him a little bit more than the day before. He will always be my baby, Jerry will always be his daddy, and I will always be his mama… and there isn’t much better in the world.