Navigating weight loss without giving up joy
There were a few moments this summer — while eating ice cream, for example — when I felt happy and free, telling myself: “I’m just living life.”
Those feelings were about food, something I struggle with on a daily basis. Every single meal, every single day, it’s a battle between control and letting go.
I allow myself one cheat day a week. People have different opinions on that concept, but it’s something that works for me. It gives me structure, something to look forward to — and it’s helped me find success without feeling deprived.
That’s not the problem.
The problem is when it’s not a cheat day, but I cheat anyway.
Most of the time, I stay on track. But then there are those other times — when I’m out with friends, or my family’s at a restaurant, and I just want to enjoy the food like everyone else. I don’t want to count calories or measure portions. I don’t want to wonder if this meal or dessert is going to show up on the scale later that week. I just want to eat and be.
And this is where I feel torn.
I tell myself life is for living. That an ice cream cone won’t ruin me. That everyone else is enjoying the food, so why not me?
But when you’re in weight-loss mode — when your identity is wrapped up in being someone who’s “lost weight” or is “losing weight” — every bite feels different. Every meal is a calculation. Plans are made days in advance. Guilt and doubt show up more often than not. You still think about food all the time… just in a different way.
Should I eat this? Will it be worth it? Will the number on the scale go up?
There’s a balance I’m still trying to find — between weight loss and actually living.
Some days, I give in and enjoy the moment, throwing caution to the wind. Other days, I stay strong and committed, because my goals still matter to me. Most days, I’m “good.” I track, I weigh in, I follow the plan.
But I haven’t quite figured out how to live my life and lose weight at the same time — not fully.
Before my pregnancy and wedding, I had a laser focus. I could lose six or seven pounds a month without issue. But I passed up a lot of things — skipped dinners, declined invites — just to avoid temptation. I was happy with my body, but I missed out on more than I realized.
Now? My weight loss is slower, but it’s steadier. And it’s mine. I’m trying to find a way to do both: to lose weight and live a full, present life.
So that’s where I’m at. Ninety percent of the time, I’m still carefully counting calories, obsessively weighing in, and doing pretty well. But I’m also trying to live a little — to make room for joy and spontaneity alongside the goals and the discipline.
After three and a half years on this journey, I’m still not perfect. But maybe perfection was never the point.
I just want to learn how to live…
while I lose.
I’m getting there.
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