How a second boy made my heart full
When I found out I was expecting our second boy, I wasn't surprised. Caleb is one of four grandsons in the family — not a single granddaughter yet. While I’d be lying if I said I never wanted a girl, I was genuinely thrilled to be welcoming another baby boy.
People often carry this idea that the “perfect” family includes a mother, a father, a son, and a daughter — but that’s just one version. There are families with all boys, all girls, one child, one parent, same-sex parents… and they’re all perfect in their own way. The magic of family is that the puzzle pieces fit exactly as they’re meant to — even when it’s not the version society expects.
Still, because of that ingrained idea of what family “should” look like, I got a lot of questions and reassurances. Most people said exactly what they should: Congratulations! But others asked, “Are you okay?” or tried to comfort me with, “It’s normal to feel disappointed.” I appreciated the concern, but I found it strange that disappointment was assumed. How could I be disappointed? I was having a BABY.
Not only was I okay — I was thrilled. After suffering a loss the year before, my entire perspective shifted. A baby — any baby — is a joy. A gift. A blessing.
That wasn’t always how I felt.
When I first found out Caleb was a boy, I was (embarrassingly) pretty upset. I remember crying to Jerry, saying I’d never feel fulfilled in life if I didn’t have a daughter. I was pregnant and hormonal, and I hadn’t yet experienced what it meant to know your child — not just imagine them. I didn’t understand the depth of love that would come.
But the second I saw Caleb, everything changed. The doubt vanished. The fears disappeared in a heartbeat. And when I found out I was having another boy, I didn’t cry. I didn’t grieve. I didn’t bat an eye. I had learned what mattered. I knew I would love this second boy with the same all-consuming, heart-expanding love I had for my first. A different name, a different face, but the same joy.
Do I still feel the occasional pang? Sure. I’ll probably never go wedding dress shopping. I won’t have “girl talk.” I may not share the books I loved growing up because they’ll feel too girly for my boys. My mom and I are incredibly close, and sometimes I worry — will I miss that kind of adult daughter bond.
But I also find peace in knowing that if we raise them right, our boys will stay close, too. Love doesn’t depend on gender — it depends on effort and connection.
And honestly? Part of me was relieved. The idea of a daughter always thrilled me, but it also scared me. Girls can be dramatic. Complicated. There’s pressure to teach them about makeup, fashion, things I know nothing about. When I found out I was having another boy, I felt something unexpected — relief. This, I could do. This, I already loved.
Will I feel a twinge of envy when I see baby girls? Maybe. Not because I don’t love my sons — I do, fiercely — but because I’ll never know what that other version of motherhood might have felt like.
But here’s what I do know: my life will be full and beautiful with my two boys. The bond between brothers is something special. Caleb will gain a teammate, a built-in best friend. Someone to share toys with, to fight and laugh with, to grow up beside. That bond is priceless.
So to those who asked if I was okay — yes. I am more than okay. I am grateful. I am blessed. This baby is just as wanted, just as loved, just as celebrated as he would have been if he were a girl. Joy isn’t tied to gender — it’s tied to love.
I get to raise boys who will become men. I get to be the first girl they ever love. I get to learn from them, see the world through their eyes, and grow alongside them.
I believe I was meant to be a boy mom.
To my second baby boy:
You are not a disappointment. You are not second-best. You are joy. You are love. You are already the missing piece we didn’t know we needed — and now that you’re here, we are whole.
No comments