Speaking the dreams that still linger
Why does it always seem so scary to talk about our big dreams out loud?
Maybe it’s because we think we can’t fulfill them and would feel like a failure. Maybe it’s because we think they’ll change. Despite the fear, there’s a lot of value in saying them out loud: when others know what you’re after, you feel like you’re held a bit more accountable. People are watching, are cheering you on. They can lend a hand, offer advice. They can clap their hands for you, encourage you, and support you along the way.
I feel like my dreams tend to shift and change over time, but that’s because our lives change, our circumstances change. Changing dreams isn’t a bad thing. I used to dream of being an author. While I still love to write, I don’t really have a burning passion to write a novel like I used to. Yeah, it’s a nice idea. It’s a beautiful thought, to think I could see my name on a book. But it doesn’t light me up inside. It doesn’t excite me. I’m not passionate about it these days, and I don’t spend my time thinking about it or dreaming about it. I prefer to write here on the blog, and I truly feel that I reach a good audience doing so. It’s fun for me, and really not stressful like attempting to write a book would be. For me, for now… this is enough.
I used to dream of running a half-marathon, then I did it back in 2013. Then, I dreamed of running a marathon… and shortly thereafter got pregnant with Caleb. It’s been five years since then and I’m not a runner anymore. After having Holden last year, I finally decided it was time I start caring about my body, health, and fitness again. So now, I’m walking. I don’t know if fitness will EVER be as prevalent in my life as it once was, but it’s making a small comeback right now. I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful that I’m moving again, eating a little better, losing a little weight. I’d like to take up running again someday. Maybe I’ll dream of a marathon again when that time comes, but maybe I won’t. And you know what? It’s okay either way. It doesn’t mean I failed as a runner, just like I didn’t fail as a writer. Dreams shift as our lives shift.
It’s okay when your dreams change along with your life. It’s okay to want a different dream, to realize that goals change as life changes. Right now I have a few long-lingering dreams. They’ve persisted through the years and I think about them quite often.
I think it’s good to talk about our hopes and dreams so I’m talking about mine, right now. And if they change again, so be it. As long as I’m passionate about something, and have things to go after, then I’m satisfied. So here is what I’m dreaming about now:
🏡 Country Farmhouse
I’ve been dreaming of a country farmhouse for quite awhile now, as evidenced here. Jerry and I bought our house a little over 5 years ago, mostly for convenience. It was a family home, in the town I grew up in, near most of my family. I’ve only ever known this town and the price was right. It’s been good to us. We’ve fixed it up a bit, with plans to fix up more over the next couple of years. But is it my dream home? No.
My biggest dream right now is to sell this house of ours in a few years, pack up, and move out of town. I’d like to go a bit more rural, a lot smaller of a town than the huge one we’re in now. I want a big old farmhouse with a porch and lots of land. I want to sit outside in rocking chairs while the kids run around in the yard. That quieter life is what appeals to me the most. It’s what I dream about when I’m dreaming, think about when I’m thinking. This has probably been my most persistent dream over the last few years, and I am very determined to make this one happen.
💸 Debt Freedom
My interest in finances kind of wavers in and out. I alternate between being extremely cheap and frugal for a few months, to spending way too much for a few months. It’s a cycle that I’m trying to break. I need to find a happy medium rather than being either of those extremes. Regardless, debt freedom is ALWAYS on my mind.
It’ll be a good long while before we’re debt free, but this is something I think about quite a lot too because there is just so much freedom and peace of mind that would come with it. My idea of debt freedom would be to have no debt except for the mortgage (I picked this idea up from Dave Ramsey). We have a lot of debt to pay and my student loans are the biggest (after our mortgage). It’ll be a good decade AT LEAST before we have the potential to be debt free, but I KNOW we will get there someday… and what a great day it will be!
🎓 PhD / Professor
This is a dream that doesn’t burn quite as bright as the other two, because I feel it would prove the most difficult to achieve… but I’ve dreamed of getting a PhD in English and becoming a college professor for awhile now.
I love my career as a librarian and have worked hard to get to where I am, but my student loan debt from my MLS is massive, and I don’t like the idea of getting even MORE loans for a PhD, and that’s the only way we could afford it. I also don’t see myself having the time to go back to school right now as a full time working mother.
And yet… I envision myself some days standing in front of a college English class. I also loved being in college and learning, so I’d love to be able to go back and learn some more while studying for a PhD. Out of all of my dreams, this one is by far the biggest pipe dream and the most unlikely one by far. Maybe someday when my kids are grown I can somehow go back to school and maybe become an adjunct professor, because I don’t really see myself leaving librarianship either. We’ll just have to see what the future holds with this one.
So those are my big dreams right now. I’m saying them out loud again because it makes them more real. Of course I have other goals like losing some more weight, but these are kind of the big, all-encompassing, super motivating dreams that I have.
Please tell me what some of your big dreams are right now. I’d love to hear and help encourage you along the way, too!
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